He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
