I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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