Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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