Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Randomize
