my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
