Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
