I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
