Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
