Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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