uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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