why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
