PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
