filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
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