She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
