I wish I could punch you in the face.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
