I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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