My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
