I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
