I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
