the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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