This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
