did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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