i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
