I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
