while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Randomize
