so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
