i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
