I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Randomize
