What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
