Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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