I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
