apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
