im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
