He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
