If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
All I want is dick and wine.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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