if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
