You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
