By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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