I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Randomize
