its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
