"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
