At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
My breasts were aching with rage.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
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