there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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