If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Well I just put wine in my tea
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Randomize
