Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
