I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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