they need to just BURY HIM!
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
