That's intense
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
