Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
