like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
you didnt know i had herpes?
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
